Yet in this thing ye did not believe the Lord your God,Deuteronomy 1:32 KJV
So today, I learned a lot of things and did a lot of things. I went to Church, did an outreach, went to a friend’s house for a Christmas party, and edited a paper. Yet in all that business, God caught me. During a walk, staring at the moon, He found me, taught me, cried to me. In that moment of not business, I repented for something that literally stopped me in my tracks.
I had talked to some people about a dream I had that was from God. I know this because I talked to God, freaking out about the dream, and He calmed me by reminding me of what I asked Him for years ago. It was an “Oh…thanks,” moment. Though still, a part of me doubted. Then when I told others the dream and they doubted it, I let that reaffirm my doubt.
“It’s far off, I really don’t know the future.” “Do I really want that?” “Maybe I’m just creating another story in my head. You know, romancing it all.” “I don’t usually dream.” I used these and more justifications for my doubt. So today when I was talking with some people from Church, the dream came to mind and I told it to them. Except they didn’t doubt. They encourage and even validated the dream. Feeling embarrassed, I started saying my justifications, my doubt.
When I left, I was walking to a friend’s house, and I couldn’t get their validation out of my mind. Why would these strangers who barely know me think such a ridiculous thing was true?
“Because it was from me.”
That simple whisper in my heart stopped me in my tracks. In my doubt, I had forgotten what God said. I did not believe Him in this one thing. I hurt him by saying, “This one thing that You promised me, God, it’s ridiculous. It can’t happen to me!” But He said it would. He believes in me enough that it can happen to me. That He wants to gift me with the thing I wanted and needed. I called God’s belief in me, His gift, ridiculous. I doubted Him. I would have denied His blessing, His gift, His promise, Him simply because I didn’t believe.
Of course, I repented. Immediately deciding there that I would not let this thing, my doubt in a dream, let me not believe in my God. Now I know the dream He gave me is a gift, my gift. He believes I can do things others can’t, and He promises to be there for me through it all. It doesn’t matter how others see the dream, whether they validate it or not. I trust what God says. I believe what God says. I believe Him. Not because of my abilities, but of His ability to fulfill His word in ways I never thought possible.
In this world, it’s so easy to be cynical and skeptical of simple things. But there are kids who simply believe that a deer can have a glowing red nose because their parents said so. When did we, I, forget to believe God like that? That what He says by dream, word, or however, it’s true. Why? Because God said and I love Him. I trust His word and His amazingness that has no limits. I believe in Him. What He says goes. And when God tells you something, believe it.