How have we gotten here?

We were so happy, so loving, so real.

Now we are a shadow of sorrow, full of sneer.

Why does it feel like it’s my joy you steal?

You had stolen my heart,

Or maybe I was blind to your flaws.

Either way, I now know I wasn’t smart.

Because now, your words hurt more than claws.

Again, how did we get here?
We loved, laughed, and you were there.
You were there, and you would hear.
You heard my cries and soothe every tear.

You were so great, so good, so present.
Then you began drifting away, so slowly away. 
Looking here, watching over there, more frequent.
Slowly I watched, so was it you or I, I betray?

No, that is not how we got here. Betrayal is not here, just pain and distance.
Just to reach you, I have to yell and throw a spear. Then you see it as an attack and I am the resistance.
Maybe I am, for I let you slip away. I let you go and go, saying that’s how it goes.
Things never stay long, falling to time’s decay. I never saw the harm the distance would pose.

Is that how we got here? A growing distance, a cavern too big to cross. So we only throw weapons and words till the pain is so severe. I am not living with a friend so dear, but with an enemy I fear is loss. 
I thought we were strong. I thought we would last longer than glass. But being strong does not mean this is lifelong. Wine can be strong but still spill from a broken wine glass.

Maybe that is how we got here? We were too young, too fast, too ignorant to not see the warnings of the past. Maybe we did not focus on this, on us, enough or hold us in high enough revere? We knew what to do: be happy, be helpful, be kind, be better, be steadfast. So why, oh why, is this something I want gone? Why is it a song that was oversung or a story that has been too overdone? Why do I feel like this is something, a burden, we are just dragging on and on? Why, oh why, are fantasies, this fantasy, coming undone? I never wanted this weave unspun. I thought you were the one!

So please, please tell me…

How do we get from here?

Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from its place—unless you repent.

Revelation 2:5 NKJV

I’ve learned that guilt is saying I feel bad because I did something bad and there was something I didn’t like that happened. Repenting means, that even if I like the outcome or even if it felt good, I did something wrong. I did something wrong and I need to change, I need to go to God. He may take me away from here. He may not. Either way, I want to do right, and I know He will be with me to help me do it. Thank you, God, for being here with me.

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