“We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.”2 Corinthians 3:4-5 NLT
It started in fourth grade. A little girl beginning to see how weird and different she was. Her best friends were her sisters, she wasn’t as pretty as the other girls, she thought a little differently, and she wasn’t normal. The girl comes out of music class and bumps into an older boy. The girl’s neck hurts from how she had to crane it back just to see his face. Yet, when the girl saw it she knew the pain was worth it. The boy looked like the heroes she read about in books. Light brown hair swaying softly, tan skin, bright attractive smile, and sky blue eyes that held the joy and mischief of life in them. The boy apologized and went on his way, but the girl stayed a bit gazing after him. She forgot about how different she was and she even thought that if she wasn’t normal that was okay. The boy was definitely not and couldn’t be normal too. That day she began to wonder.
I wonder what his name is.
Why do you need to know?
Now the girl’s in sixth grade and the boy has moved on. But she hasn’t. The boy rides his bike home, so she tries to walk home everyday just to see him. It’s time consuming and tiring but to the girl it’s worth it. She can watch him smile, laugh, and do silly stuff to impress his friends. Her family calls her weird and silly. They told her to talk to him but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how. She could talk to her peers, but with boys she liked she started to get weird with them. She didn’t like how she felt around them, well most of them. He was the only one that could make her smile and wonder.
I wonder if he sees me.
The girl is in Junior High. Puberty is something she can’t ignore. She always feels awkward. She was still a bit of an oddball too. So she did her best to blend in. One day she was in class and had been separated into a group with wolfish boys. She blended in so well they practically ignored her. Yet, the girl still felt uncomfortable. Then he saw her. The boy’s eyes that always sparkled with life darkened as he addressed the boys. He looked at her as he said “There’s a girl in here guys. We should get to work.” The boys muttered and complained but the girl was shocked. The boy who has handsome, popular, athletic, saw her. She knew it was a silly thing to romanticize but she couldn’t help her girlish mind calling him a hero and wondering.
I wonder what it would be like to know you.
You aren’t brave enough to try.
It’s the start of the girl’s best years of her life, or at least that’s what she heard. Based off her boring start, the girl thought high school would be like every other school she went to. She blends in, has a few friends, maybe a crush here or there, but it would ultimately be a boring experience and by the time she came out of high school she would be glad it was over. Then she saw him. All those silly girly feelings came back. He wasn’t in a lot of her classes and she barely saw him in the hallways. The girl was determined to forget about the boy who she deemed out of her league, but God had a different plan again. Every boy she liked seemed to remind her of him in some way. One boy had eyes like him, another his smile, another boy acted like him. She would be reminded of this as she stomped away from each boy (they made her mad because of some silly reason) and would catch a glimpse of him. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t get over a stupid, handsome, silly, Christian, athletic boy. He even had cute acne all over his idiotically cute face. The more she thought about this the more irritated she became. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder.
I wonder what it would be like to date him?
In your dreams.
She’s a sophomore and so far she thinks high school is really a waste of time. It was stressful in grades and there was too much unnecessary drama. Church was a lot more fun. She walks into her chemistry class and sees him laughing with some of his friends. At first the girl writes it off as him spending time with his friends. He would do that with his friends every now and then. Not that she ever watched him or notice him as he would dash across the halls. She rolled her eyes at the loud boys but she couldn’t help the small smile that lit up her face. She saw the light back in his eyes.
For a while she was scared that he lost it when she bumped into him one day at the end of her freshman year. But again she didn’t watch boys like that. She looked for her seat on the seating chart and her heart stopped. She was sitting directly behind the boy. He was in her class. They could finally talk to each other, they could be friends, maybe they could be more.
But that would imply that the girl would feel something more than her already silly crush, so the girl smoothed her clothes and went to her seat. The girl began to get ready for class when she heard the boy, well now his lean muscles and chiseled face showed him more as a man then a boy, sit down.
“I know you right?” The girl froze. He couldn’t be talking to her but when she looked up his sparkling blue eyes were in her direction. She swallowed her 7th grade tendencies and answered.
“Yeah, you do.” Her heart soared for the rest of the day. She talked to him, and not just that day but practically everyday. He came by to visit her advisory teacher and she was able to talk to him twice. She learned simple things like his favorite color (yellow). Why he liked soccer (it was so active). They joked, she embarrassed herself. Whe was sad to admit that she was still clumsy. They became somewhat friends. She prayed that God would make a way for them to get closer. Then she found out about the love of his life, his God given soul mate, a pretty tiny brunette in band. Basically not her.
She ended up pushing him away and not talking to him that much. Now she could see that the spark of life brighten when he talked about her, when he kissed her, when he held her hand. It was disgustingly cute. What was worse was that the girl knew that it was too good to be true and was somewhat happy for him. He deserved the best, someone that completes him. It hurt the girl to know that it wasn’t her but he seemed happy and that’s all that mattered to her. She saw him celebrate his upcoming graduation saying he was going to graduate early. The girl just watched in admiration and she wondered.
I wonder if he’ll remember me.
Now the girl’s in college. She’s in art school and writes things, something she never saw herself doing. Most importantly she rarely thinks about the boy turned man who saw her. With God, work, school, and life she rarely thinks about boys in general. Then one day out of the blue she gets a call from her parents. They saw the man working as a waiter. The girl tried to pay attention and listen to her parents but her heart broke a little bit with each word her parents said. He lost his ambition, he was still with the same girl that wasn’t her, yet he seemed stuck. The girl couldn’t process that the man with life in his eyes lost that life. He gave up. She had to see him again. Then the girl wondered.
I wonder if he’ll remember me.
I wonder if I’ll be the quiet 7th grader, the awkward teenager, or the confident college woman.
I wonder if I’ll embarrass myself.
I wonder if I could tell him everything.
I wonder if he really did lose that spark.
I wonder what happened to him.
Don’t wonder about life, live it. In the end, the girl has yet to see the boy again. But she learned how to have the confidence of God. She learned to trust Him. She didn’t have to wonder anymore, but trust God’s direction. Even when it comes to cute men, she knows that if she stays in God’s word, trusts His direction, what happens is supposed to happen and can be something good. There is no wondering but there is wonder in the freedom and confidence God gives her.
So what are you wondering about today?